Once again I recommend reading A Babe in Toyland, Sash's blog. She writes beautifully! The most recent post is one of the most meaningful I've ever read. Anyone tt's been through a failed r/s will definately relate very well to this post. It reaches into the depths of one's soul and touches the heart. I cant describe it well, ah but just read it. (: it's everything and anything that I felt.
Here's a part of her blog entry. Read the rest here
"....You broke my heart but never shattered it completely. And that is the cruelest thing to do to somebody. It broke it into one thousand parts. So that piece by piece it flaked off. Like bad paint off a humid Hong Kong wall. Carrying off fragments of the hopeful, optimistic me that you once knew and cared about.
Maybe I was too forgiving. All I needed from you was a simple dealbreaker. Something to definitively label you a bastard and thus make me avoid you forever. The worst relationships are the ones that wear away at you by attrition. One modest disappointment after another. A neglected call. A missed dinner date. A forgotten gift. Love isn't always about grand gestures and flowery apologies. You know I'm not a needy chick. You never had to spend much time with me. And I never asked for much - just the certainty that when you said you'd call back, you would. Or that if you couldn't make it in time, you'd let me know. Simple courtesies like that.
Do you know the amount of time I spent waiting for you to call? Or keeping my fingers crossed in agony over whether you'd make it to see me? I would put my plans on hold for up to a week on the off-chance that you were in town. Of course I grew tired of waiting. But then I'd wait some more. Of course I'd tell myself that I would never let anyone else string me along this way. But when the opportunity presented itself, I'd just do it all over again. That's why I said that knowledge makes me vulnerable. Nobody but me should know that I suffered like that.
I never told you because I just wanted the few times we had together to be happy and free of these banal little irritations. I just assumed things would get better with time. I never told you because I needed to preserve my dignity. I was a strong, confident woman who didn't need anyone else in her life, who had a string of people who loved to spend time with her, who went through men like water. Why was I being over-sensitive and needy and pathetic like this? Absolutely out of character. I had to disown that part of myself.
And thus, I had to disown what I felt about you. And so I did things to sabotage our relationship. I kept the truth from you. Because that was the only thing I had control over. I had to convince myself that I didn't care. I had to numb myself to what I felt. I used other men with their tokens of affection to fill the gaping void you tore inside me.
That's how it all works together, okay? Like a bird with a broken wing. Looking out at the sky and wanting to fly but knowing it never will. And so it begins to eat away at its feathers and starve itself in despair. Knowing that the more it destroys itself, the less chances it will have to escape the cage it's in. "
Nymphx; 7:46 PM
Oh ya this blog is PRIVATE. Unless it the addy is given to u personally by me, you're not suppose to be here.
Those who already have this addy, please dont pass it around k...? Thank you.. (:
> Wishlist
1. Slim, sleek, small, sexy Digital Camera!!
2. MP3 player; Ipod nano n jewel-studded case!
3. One night stay in Raffles Hotel
4. more Anna Sui Cosmetics and hair accessories
5. Permanent hair removal :D
