Having thoroughly thought it through.. What's the point..? (:

2 weeks ago, I wrote an entry about how I dont wanna end up like 3 of my friends who are enstrangled in a relationship. I know not all relationships are like this, cuz I'm really glad that my muthus are blissfully happy. But maybe I still havent been able to give myself a breakthrough in this area ba.

A lot of things have contributed to this decision..

Was talking to Youwei abt his past and how it's kinda haunting.. Seeing him like this is like seeing myself again a year ago. Phases from being upset, to disappointed, to sad, to angry, to reflecting, to numbing, to cold, to emotionless, to self-denial, to realization etc.. I know what it feels like. that's precisely the reason why i dont wan him or any of my friends to go thru the same thing that i did.

I am lucky that i finally got kaiboon outta my mind.

I'm lucky that i'm not unwanted.. there are people that likes me. Hahaha.

But I guess I'm not fortunate enough to believe and find someone's that mutual.

Kekeke.

I know someday that I will.


If you dont know what happiness is, you wont know what saddness is. And vice versa. We all feel the way we do because there was once we experienced the other extreme. Anthony Robbins wrote in his book, Unlimted Power, that sometimes we take so long to let go of something, or so reluctant to let go of something, is because we keep choosing to see only the things that we want to see. Because we have memories that were happy in the past, we keep believing that it's gonna happen again in the future - when it's not.

A relationship is only valuable if u "buy" it on every date, every rendevous, if u based ur emotions on what's going on now. Only would it be true.

So chim right. lolx. Took me some time too.


I joined NTI because I want to change to become someone that no one can reject. Told Youwei that.. and he understood. Not in terms of "no" or whatever, but in so much more ways than one. It originated from what kaiboon told me in the past a looonnngg time ago. That i was immature and naive and not good enough. I wanna learn to be "good enough". I know it's gonna be a life-time pursuit, and maybe i'm never gonna get there..

But i'm gonna keep trying.

Mom told me I'm not a Bionic-woman. hahaha. I cant want to do everything, and want to do well in every single thing too. But if i never try, i'll never know.. So that's why i wanna try.

Maybe one day i'll be "good enough". It's not for anyone, but myself. (;